Around this time last year, I received my first past life regression. I had tried to explore my own past lives back in 2013 to no avail. This frustrated me quite a bit because up until then, every spiritual experiment I tried was successful. I felt like I had hit a brick wall, so I let it go until it was time.
During the session, we traveled back through my soul to an incarnation of mine in ancient Kemet. I was a toddler and my mother had been bedridden since my birth. From time to time people would come and check on us, but after a while we learned to make due, especially when I started walking. I was a bright and conscious child-- far beyond my 3 years of age.
One day, I noticed my mother was having more abdominal pains than usual. I walked up to her bed and laid hands on her stomach. She was healed. My mother immediately jumped up with tears in her eyes and hugged me. She did not hug me as her son, but as her savior. With her new found mobility, she quickly scurried to the market to tell everyone of her amazing son’s works.
Some grew envious, but many more showed up for healing. Each day, more people arrived for healing and left many gifts in exchange. As the pile of riches grew, so too did my mother's greed and boastfulness. Eventually, the people grew to resent her and it seemed like I was the only one that LOVED her.
When I reached adulthood, I had grown tired of being just a healer. I felt like I was coerced into martyrdom without any regard to my childhood. I resented the fact that everyone put me on a pedestal and didn’t see my humanity. This inherently meant no one could see me as their LOVE interest, but instead as a tool of GOD. I was surrounded by people and lonely at the same time. Fortunately, I lived a long life and died of old age. After my mother passed, I pushed everyone away, so I died alone. Yet, I was celebrated all through the lands thereafter.
During my most recent anxiety attack, I felt so upset that no one knew the depths of or appreciated my humanity. I was trapped by the illusion that I couldn’t be human. It hurt to feel like no one knew I was suffering. The deepest desire of my tears was for them to be seen, honored and accepted. For this to happen, I needed to do this for myself. That meant allowing them to flow.
After introspection, I see how last month’s experience was but a reflection across lifetimes. The soul’s way of reiterating can be jarring, but I feel like I had to ground that lesson in this lifetime so that history doesn't repeat itself. I also feel like I needed to cry tears that my soul kept hidden for millennia. Healing at the soul level just transpired.
Since that past life regression, I can now more easily identify past life nuances: images, dreams, sounds etc. I actually began reading the Akashic records around the same time. Gaining access to them opened an infinite universe of clarity, for this lifetime as well as others. So the next life I was shown, to aid my healing process, was again in ancient Kemet. This time I was a pharaoh. I was beloved by the people and envied by other members of nobility. There were people who had an agenda and wished to prematurely become my predecessors. They were willing to achieve this by force if necessary--and it was necessary.
The nobility paid the priests, whom I trusted and consulted regularly, to throw me a party in honor of my greatness. My vainglory welcomed this with great excitement. The night of the party, I was murdered in a back room, while the priests kept the people waiting for my arrival. The members of nobility poisoned me then took turns stabbing me for good measure.
After exploring this experience in the records, it brought so much understanding to my social anxiety. Sometimes I sit at home paralyzed, faced with a decision to go to an event or have an anxiety attack. I’ve never shared that before…. This memory is embedded not only within my DNA, but in my souls archive. The beautiful thing about it is, every time I’ve sat at home with this feeling, it was for good reason. The first time it happened, someone was trying to set me up to get arrested for selling weed. Other times, people have were plotting against me for whatever reason they deemed necessary at the time. My anxiety has helped me more than its hurt me, but it took introspection and knowledge of self to discover this. Only after embracing it did I accept its a part of me for a reason.
I feel the trauma of this incarnation’s public death more than the former. This doesn’t validate either more than the other, but allows me to appreciate their differences. If you suffer from anxiety, who am I to tell you that you won’t have similar results after a past life regression? It's different for everyone, because everyone is different...but I promise that healing brings answers.
Moving forward, I feel compelled to speak on the limitations of modern medicine. Realize that its fairly new on a time scale measuring hundreds of thousands of years. Then accept that we’re still searching our history and inquiring indigenous tribes for real answers. These answers have always been holistic until our medicine men became hypocrites. Now, its a trend to label our gifts as disorders, so they can prescribe medicine to dull our senses. Simply put, if you don’t know yourself then its easy for you to allow someone else to tell you who you are. For example, my astrology chart shows that I have mars in Gemini. This placement denotes a lot of nervous energy, always working on multiple projects and performing best cyclically in bursts. A doctor could see this behavior and say I have anxiety, ADHD and bi-polar disorder. But since I know myself, I dare a bold bitch to spark the conversation.
Modern medicine teaches us that these people have a “chemical imbalance” that makes them suffer. As black people on our paths to wokeness and hopefully repatriation, it would be lovely to see us continue our search for answers until we inevitably reach the continent. When you finish with your brief history lesson on modern medicine, you’ll find that many of the sciences we once cultivated in Africa had a spiritual aspect to them. For over two thousand years, our spiritual essence has been ripped from our culture, as its vultured and white privilage is painted over the resilience of our ancestors. We do a disservice to ourselves by adopting their beliefs and accepting them at face value. Question everything. "Magic is science unexplained, and science is magic explained," -DT
I struggled internally with anxiety because deep down I felt there was a greater truth to be explored, understood, integrated, then expanded upon. I prayed and asked GOD to clearly show me my truth, exactly how I need to be shown. I’ve been receiving clarity for a month now and I struggle no more. I am an embodiment of triumph. GOD is good and will forever get all the praise.